Help 5-Year-Old Make Noises Disappear

Sylvia Rimm
Sat, 13 Feb 2016 21:00:00 -0800
Lifestyle

Q: My 5-year-old daughter is a very smart and precocious little girl who seems to be obsessed with having our family's attention focused on her at all times. She is the youngest child in our family. If interrupting a conversation is not successful for her, she will sit and make horrible "goon" noises or make high-pitched sounds at the cat until my husband or I cannot handle it anymore and one of us verbally snaps at her. We have tried to show her that this behavior is not acceptable by putting marks on a chart that lead to a consequence and sending her to her room. Nothing works.

This behavior has been going on for some months now and she certainly knows it is not making her parents happy. Our daughter truly does not lack for positive attention and is a well-loved and cared for child. What can we do to finally get her past this very obnoxious behavior?

A: You've assumed that your daughter is making these noises to garner attention and you may well be right. Your attempts to consequence her for each noise seems only to be accelerating into a battle. I suggest that you start with a little one-on-one conversation with her at a quiet time unrelated to when she is exhibiting this behavior. Specifically ask her if she knows why she makes the horrible "goon" noises. I doubt if she'll be able to explain why, but the little talk permits her to feel you are concerned and want to help her to stop making the noises.
Updated: Sun Feb 14, 2016

Q: My 5-year-old daughter is a very smart and precocious little girl who seems to be obsessed with having our family's attention focused on her at all times. She is the youngest child in our family. If interrupting a conversation is not successful for her, she will sit and make horrible "goon" noises or make high-pitched sounds at the cat until my husband or I cannot handle it anymore and one of us verbally snaps at her. We have tried to show her that this behavior is not acceptable by putting marks on a chart that lead to a consequence and sending her to her room. Nothing works.

This behavior has been going on for some months now and she certainly knows it is not making her parents happy. Our daughter truly does not lack for positive attention and is a well-loved and cared for child. What can we do to finally get her past this very obnoxious behavior?

A: You've assumed that your daughter is making these noises to garner attention and you may well be right. Your attempts to consequence her for each noise seems only to be accelerating into a battle. I suggest that you start with a little one-on-one conversation with her at a quiet time unrelated to when she is exhibiting this behavior. Specifically ask her if she knows why she makes the horrible "goon" noises. I doubt if she'll be able to explain why, but the little talk permits her to feel you are concerned and want to help her to stop making the noises.

Suggest that she make herself a small magic wand as a tool to help her stop making the noises. Each time she finds herself doing so, she needs only to reach into her pocket, touch the wand, and the wand will be her reminder to stop. For each half day that she manages to be noise free, she can place a star or sticker on a chart and when she arrives at 20 stars or stickers (approximately 10 days; they don't have to be in a row), she can pick out a small prize. I think your daughter will love this magic game, and with your encouragement, she will have received positive attention and feel like she is doing well instead of thinking she's in a battle with her parents.

If her noises were less obnoxious, you could ignore them and they would likely disappear, but this recommended behavioral approach will work well and prevent the oppositional attitude which seems to be developing. It is likely that not getting enough attention from her siblings could be the cause, but perhaps you'll identify a different reason this annoyance has begun. Youngest children often either whine or use noises to direct attention away from older siblings who typically monopolize adult conversation.

For free newsletters or articles entitled Discipline for Little, Middle and Big Kids, Sibling Rivalry, and/or How to Parent So Children Will Learn, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to the address below. Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.