Great-Grandmother Worries About Family Standards

Sylvia Rimm
Tue, 02 Feb 2016 21:00:00 -0800
Lifestyle

Q: I am a 78-year-old mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. I recently learned that I will be a great-grandmother again, through my 21-year-old granddaughter is not married, has only a part-time job, no career direction or ambition, and still lives dependent upon her parents. I cannot say that much is better about her boyfriend. This baby will be my fifth great-grandchild between four of my grandchildren, and none of them were married before these babies were born. In fact, only one has gotten married since becoming a parent.

I am completely disillusioned by this trend of such immature grown children having babies with no thought as to how they will support them. I honestly believe that some of my grandchildren have chosen not to marry because as single parents, the mothers qualify for public assistance.

Maybe I am old-fashioned, but whatever happened to waiting until you were established and married before becoming parents? These children will suffer due to the poor choices their parents make and most likely, the cycle will continue through the next generation. I am disgusted by this. Whatever happened to having standards? Should this just be accepted as the new societal norm in our country?
Updated: Wed Feb 03, 2016

Q: I am a 78-year-old mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. I recently learned that I will be a great-grandmother again, through my 21-year-old granddaughter is not married, has only a part-time job, no career direction or ambition, and still lives dependent upon her parents. I cannot say that much is better about her boyfriend. This baby will be my fifth great-grandchild between four of my grandchildren, and none of them were married before these babies were born. In fact, only one has gotten married since becoming a parent.

I am completely disillusioned by this trend of such immature grown children having babies with no thought as to how they will support them. I honestly believe that some of my grandchildren have chosen not to marry because as single parents, the mothers qualify for public assistance.

Maybe I am old-fashioned, but whatever happened to waiting until you were established and married before becoming parents? These children will suffer due to the poor choices their parents make and most likely, the cycle will continue through the next generation. I am disgusted by this. Whatever happened to having standards? Should this just be accepted as the new societal norm in our country?

A: You are surely correct that standards have changed. It must really hurt you to see this happening in your own family. As a grandmother, there is very little you can do unless your single parent grandchildren come to talk to you about their dilemma. If they do, you can help them to understand that children thrive best in families with two loving parents and encourage them to wait until they are married before having additional children. For those great-grandchildren who are already in our world, you can offer to help their mothers with the children for a few hours each week. In that way those great-grandchildren will feel close to you and loved, and your granddaughters can count on having a little down time.

The world is changing as it always has and always will. I want to reassure you that there continue to be many two-parent families that love and raise their children together. Many young adults do wait until they have established careers as well. Sometimes they wait too long and have difficulty becoming pregnant. Ideally, I agree with you that we should do everything in our power to encourage young people to select good loving partners and find satisfying careers before they have children.

For free newsletters or articles entitled Single Parenting, The Dos and Don'ts of Grandparenting, and/or How To Parent So Children Will Learn, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to the address below. Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.